INTRODUCTION
No doubt marriage is one of the ultimate blessings from God. Sadly many do not experience all of the blessing that The Christian Marriage brings. Many, no doubt wonder why their marriages are not blessed like other Christian Marriages are. The answer is simple. With all blessings that come from God there are responsibilities that accompany the blessings. Ignore the responsibilities and we will lose out on the blessings.
Marriage is an ongoing covenant relationship between a man and a woman. Not only is the gender different, the personalities of both the man and the woman are often poles apart and therefore living out the responsibilities that accompany The Christian Marriage is vital for ensuring a blessed marriage.
For our Christian marriages to experience the blessings of God we have to live up to our responsibilities. Both the man and the woman have respective roles to play in the Christian Marriage.
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: FIRST AND FOREMOST LOVE
The ultimate (vital, crucial, critical) role of the husband is that HE LOVES HIS WIFE. This love is in no way a Love that is normally in the world. It is a sacrificial Love. It always places the wife first. The husband dies to self. He endeavors by the grace of God to esteem his wife at all times above himself.
For the husband’s Love to be genuine and effective it has to be modeled on the example that our Lord Jesus Christ has set forth with His Love for His Church: “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it (Ephesians 5:25 KJV).
There are several types of Love that the husband must be acquainted with in order to truly Love his wife as Christ Loves the Church. The Greek language uses four words that describe the various types of Love:
EROS denotes PASSIONATE LOVE, WITH SENSUAL DESIRE AND LONGING.
Philia symbolizes FRIENDSHIP.
Storge speaks of AFFECTION.
Agape EXPRESSES UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
It is normal for a Christian husband to passionately desire his wife. His wife should be his best friend. At all times he must show his wife affection. But for his Love to genuinely authentic he must love with an Agape Love.
Of all who ever loved there is one person who truly loved this way and that is The Lord Jesus Christ. His Love for The Church is UNCONDITIONAL. He loves us the way we are and THAT WITH ALL OUR WARTS AND ALL. His UNCONDITIONAL LOVE does not demand perfection, only Love in return. The Love of Jesus covers a multitude of sins (see 1 Peter 4:8 RSV).
To have a Blessed Marriage the husband must Love his wife with a Love that covers and cancels out all her imperfections. Other than a Love that overlooks all the imperfections of the wife, the husbands Love for his wife must be likened also to the way JESUS GAVE HIMSELF FOR THE CHURCH.
Jesus is not only the foundation of the Church, He is also the head as well (Eph 2:20). These unique positions that Jesus enjoys in The Church were in a sense earned by Jesus. HE GAVE HIMSELF FOR THE CHURCH. HE SHED HIS LIFE’S BLOOD FOR THE CHURCH. HE TOOK THE PLACE OF THE CHURCH ON THE CROSS OF CALVARY. In like manner the husband is meant to be the bedrock and the head of the marriage. Just as Jesus earned these positions so must the husband. He must give himself. The husband must base his relationship with his wife on the example that Christ has set.
Considering the example of Jesus the following is to be noted: JESUS GAVE HIMSELF. JESUS MADE HIMSELF OF NO REPUTATION. HE BECAME A SERVANT. HE GAVE HIS LIFE: “Let this mind be in you, which was also in Christ Jesus: Who, being in the form of God, thought it not robbery to be equal with God: But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross (Phi 2”5-8).”
Though the husband and wife are equal, for they are ONE IN THE LORD, THE HUSBAND to ensure a blessed and honourable marriage has TO MAKE HIMSELF OF NO REPUTATION. HE MUST BECOME A SERVANT TO HIS WIFE. HE MUST ESTEEM HER BETTER THAN HIMSELF. HER NEEDS ARE PARAMOUNT. HE MUST DIE TO HIS NEEDS AT ALL TIMES AND PUT HER FIRST.
Undoubtedly this is a great demand and yet it is more than possible. God in His goodness would not ask this of the husband without giving him the wherewithal. In fact the wherewithal that God grants the husband to perform the impossible is WITHIN HIMSELF. The HUSBAND NEED NOT LOOK FURTHER THAN HIMSELF. GOD IN HIS GOODNESS TO THE HUSBAND, SHOWS FAITH TOWARD HIM. GOD BELIEVES IN HIM AND ALL GOD REQUIRES OF THE HUSBAND IS THAT HE TREATS HIS WIFE THE WAY HE WOULD TREAT HIMSELF: “So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church (Ephesians 5:28-30 KJV).” “33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself (Ephesians 5:33a KJV).” “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them (Col 3:19).”
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: HONOUR YOUR WIFE AS YOUR EQUAL
Husbands should place their wives on a pedestal. This simply means they should honour and respect their wives. Marriages often fail because husbands treat their wives as the weaker vessel in the marriage. Husbands fail to understand that the miracle of marriage is ONENESS. Though the woman was created for the man, the husband must come to the conclusion that both are participants of the grace of God in the marriage. Just as much as she needs the grace of God in the expression of her love to her husband, so does the husband require the grace of God in the expression of his love to his wife: “7 Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered (1 Peter 3:7).”
Though The Word of God is clear that the wife is the weaker vessel (1 Peter 3:7) the husband is never ever to treat her as such. He is at all times to respect and honour his wife. In this series we have dealt with RESPECT IN THE MARRIAGE and it will be good that we remind ourselves of the acronym we used for RESPECT:
R: RESPECT (EACH OTHER)
E: ENCOURAGE (EACH OTHER)
S: SERVE (EACH OTHER)
P: PRAISE (EACH OTHER)
E: ENTHUSE (EACH OTHER)
C: CONGRATULATE AND CONCUR (WITH EACH OTHER)
T: THANK (EACH OTHER).
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: PRAISE YOUR WIFE
Most people respond positively to praise. Sometimes to bring the very best out of people we have to praise them. The husband must be wise in his relationship with his wife and often to bring the best out of her he should praise her. Praise well bathed in sincerity often will further bring forth more Godly qualities.
A wise husband will praise his wife privately and publicly. He will constantly commend her for her cooking, her dressing, and her caring for him etcetera. The Husband that praises his wife is PROUD OF HIS WIFE: “Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her (Pro 31:28).”
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: PLEASE YOUR WIFE
In all aspects of their marital relationship the husband ought to please the wife. God has placed within the husband and the wife a sexual drive that only they are to satisfy and therefore the husband ought to excel in his lovemaking toward his wife: “But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife (1 Corinthians 7:33 KJV).” “Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband (1 Corinthians 7:3 KJV).”
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: RECEIVE GOD’S COUNSEL FROM HIS WIFE
The husband has to realize that often through the cares of the world that weigh upon his shoulders and that being providing for his family, he may not hear the true Word of God. It is when he faces uncertainty that he ought to listen to the wise counsel of his wife. He has to be aware of the truth that both he and the wife are Priests (see 1 Peter 2:9). Both are constantly interceding of behalf of each other and often The Lord would speak through the wife and offer wise counsel to him. There are several examples of this truth in The Old Testament:
JUDGES 13:19-23
1 SAM 25:9-33
2 KI 4:8-10
THE ROLE OF THE HUSBAND: PROVIDER
In our modern-day it is common for both husband and wife to work, however we must realize that the chief provider for the wife and family is the husband: “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel (1 Timothy 5:8).”
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